I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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