I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
