Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
