OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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