Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
