A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
