Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
