Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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