Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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