You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
