saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
