You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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