i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
