O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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