Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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