You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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