Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
