Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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