the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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