And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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