the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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