something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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