Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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