I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
