dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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