I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
