i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
