just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
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