honey bunches of taint.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
