thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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