you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
