evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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