I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
