Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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