I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
