Where did you get a picture of my penis
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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