How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
