My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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