I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize
