I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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