Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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