I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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