I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
