Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
