I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Randomize
