sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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