remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
