making cat noises will not fix the situation.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
