now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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