i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
