And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
