Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
