I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
