im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
