The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
